Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
