He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
