Green mimosas i think yes
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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