He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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