i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
