Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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