Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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