She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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