Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
