did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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