dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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