I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
