How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
