If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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