how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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