he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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