taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
