I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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