like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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