im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
