Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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