the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
