Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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