when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize