im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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