he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
