Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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