That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
