I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
