I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Someone came in the potted fern
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
