Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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