you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
