Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize