I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I want to fling myself into the sun
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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