Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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