You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
