Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
