Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
