we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
