Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
