I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
