my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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