Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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