mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
