Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
