At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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