sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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