I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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