I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
