i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
