Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
