i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
