i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
