Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize