You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
