I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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