I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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