I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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