I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
