Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize