i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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