if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
