All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
North Korea, Best Korea!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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