i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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