I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
