Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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