the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
