Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We left the knife in your bed.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
