How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
