I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
