If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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