i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Barsexuality is the new black.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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