Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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