no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
