So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
