I heard we made out
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize