shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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