I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he wants to bone in the snuggie
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize