Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
