Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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