So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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