I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
