I think I died a long time ago.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
