He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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